Relationships are Like Icing on Cake

Relationships are like icing on cake...and you are the cake! I don't know about you, but I read quite a few books about relationships when I was younger. Who remembers books like "Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus" or "The Rules"? While there may have been a few helpful tips, much of the advice I found demeaning and off-putting. When reading "Men are from Mars" I experimented by not telling my man he was driving the wrong way. He very happily drove 30 minutes out of the way as I bit my tongue. Oh sure, his ego was fed, the relationship was temporarily "great", and my blood pressure was not. Surely, in this day and age, there is an acceptable and respectful way of simply pointing out “Hey, I think you may have missed your turn” without the relationship taking a nosedive. I just refuse to believe all men need women to stroke their egos this way.

Other books gave advice such as "scream when you see a bug" (I'm sorry, WHAT?!!) and never ever cook anything other than hot dogs. Ok, I get the point that women need a break from the traditional role "in the kitchen", but really, are hot dogs the answer?! How about a partnership where two people actually enjoy cooking a healthy meal together?

The problem with many of these popular books is that they don't address the evolution of relationships. We are evolving away from codependent relationships based on roles and need, and towards interdependent relationships based on choice. Such books also fail to address the fact that no amount of "tips or tricks" can address a need to work more on one's relationship to Self. Better to be happy by oneself than in a relationship just to be in a relationship. In this new way of relating, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. The energy constantly expended and wasted on unhealthy patterns in an old model, is limitless in a new model that creates synergy. Energy draining shifts to energy creation, enough energy to sustain two healthy individuals, and potentially more for everyone who enters their orbit.

A couple of years ago I finally found the book that is just what I was looking for, and which explains the evolution of relationships simply and beautifully. "Superconscious Relationships" by Margaret Ruth gives some profound yet incredibly simple tips about getting yourself on the "happy, joyful, whole playground", as she calls it, where probably only 5-10% of the population resides. She walks you through ways to heal your issues so you attract someone from a better place. Once you're on the "playground" the worst thing that can happen is that you are then "happy, joyful, whole"...and single. Isn't that much better, though, than being in a relationship and unhappy? Isn't the goal, whether single or not, to be relatively happy?

The way I see it, a relationship is like icing on cake. Too much ooey gooey sticky icing on bad cake is just too much, but a good cake with just the right amount of yummy icing is delicious. You are the cake, so make it good! Experiment with the recipe! Try a few different recipes, add to it, change it, see what feels right, fix what's not working...until you get it the way you want it. Then adding a little of the right icing will make your day rather than leave a bad taste in your mouth.